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19 Assorted Exultant Thoughts About the Packers Beating the Cowboys

Green Bay Packers v Dallas Cowboys

Gutty win. This is more of a personal therapy to collect my thoughts and feelings than anything else, but if you happen to enjoy it I suppose that’s wonderful too. A fair warning that I’m not even really going to proofread it, and there will be swearing. Let’s fucking go.

1. What a motherfucking win. The season is alive headed into Week 16 — you cannot say that Packers will not win the Super Bowl and definitely be correct. That is a privilege, not a right.

2. For the second straight week, the fact in no. 1 has appeared to definitely not be true heading into halftime. Last week the Falcons had a pick-six to go up 21-10, and Green Bay was coming off a Thanksgiving drubbing and it didn’t seem like there was any earthly possibility that they would figure out a way to score points and figure out a way to make Atlanta stop scoring them. Today, the Packers were down 26-3 and the only reason my friends didn’t leave Will’s (the wonderful Wisconsin bar) was that they give away (really outstanding, actually) free stuff at halftime, and then we scored really quickly.

3. That I was planning to sit there at a table by myself for the duration of a 51-3 outcome doesn’t make that the right decision for my personal wellbeing, but it is also the decision I made and make. Oh, and I won two bitching Packers coffee mugs in the aforementioned halftime raffle. I don’t want to take full credit for the ultimate outcome, but that was assuredly the turning point. I had no. 552, and the only reason I awakened from my compulsive Twitter refreshing to claim it was that no. 556 had been called two prizes prior. I had lamented that I was only four off (which was exacerbated by having the first two digits spot on), and my friend Matt recognized my mannerisms and poked me to tell me I had won.

4. I know that at that moment those coffee mugs, which I’m sure I could buy for like 10 bucks after seven seconds of Googling, could have gone on to be an insufficient consolation prize on a shitty afternoon but hindsight has rendered them special.

5. Back to the team. Again, what a motherfucking win. The Packers were of course aided by some glaring Dallas errors along the way, but that’s a constant component to the formula of erasing a 26-3 halftime deficit. Every player on Green Bay gutted up and made them do that. They could have folded and gone home, like so many other teams have done and will do in comparable situations, but they rose up and forced errors. (And Jason Garrett didn’t call more runs, which suffice to say was really strange.)

6. There were a lot of times where it felt like the comeback would fall just short. A Dallas false start was ruled Green Bay offsides and resulted in a first down. Tramon Williams’ first interception, which got overturned, could have feasibly withstood on the grounds of no irrefutable evidence in an NFL where no one really has any fucking clue what definitively does or does not constitute a catch. Dez Bryant caught a touchdown pass that put the Cowboys up 36-24 with less than eight minutes remaining. Bryant, Calvin Johnson, Alshon Jeffery and zero more of the 7+ billion people on Earth could have come down with cleanly and gracefully gotten both feet inbounds. (Okay, maybe LeBron James too, but that doesn’t sway the decimal much further away from zero in the grand scheme of things.)

7. I want to put a ring on December Tony Romo, the man who was so precise and brilliant in the first half but audibled out of a run and into an interception late in the game before tossing a game-finalizing pick on 2nd-and-1 on a drive where the team only needed to move like 30 more yards for a go-ahead field goal. There was ample time, as well as a kicker who had been 5-5 on the day. Thank you December Tony Romo.

8. Thank you, too, Sam Shields and Tramon Williams for making the wonderful plays that allowed the December Tony Romo narrative to manifest itself. On Shields’ interception, Clay Matthews whiffed on a free shot at Romo, who seemed to have Miles Austin open by a step before Shields used his turbo power-up and closed instantly, holding onto the ball running at full speed with full body extension.

9. And that Tramon Williams interception, which was sweet karmic justice for the one that had been nullified earlier. Marvelous play, and perhaps victory-preserving decision by Mike McCarthy to call timeout to stop the Cowboys from quick-snapping while the refs were asleep at the wheel in calling for a booth review. I can’t even begin to tell you what I’d be feeling like right now if, after everything, that was how they fucking lost. I would have been catatonic and my rage may have even surpassed Fail Mary levels. Holy hell would I have been mad.

10. Always liked Tramon.

11. Eddie Lacy. HAM. HAM. HAM. HAM. HAM. HAM. For the second straight week, carrying the team on his motherfucking back with a bum ankle, trucking defenders and doling out punishment on the occasions where they were able to take him down. This is sorta weird because he doesn’t know me (though I suppose there’s the possibility he’s come across one of my dumb Extra Mustard posts at some point), but I’m ecstatic that he’s a part of my life.

12. How ’bout that pancake block from BJ FREEZER RAJI on that last Lacy touchdown run? Defensive end Mike Daniels was in there blocking too. That was just delightful.

13. I had feared the Packers scored too quickly at the end there, but it gets dicey to get into the methodology of planning touchdowns meticulously and we were vindicated by December Romo.

14. Big game by Andrew Quarless. I haven’t always liked him either but he had six catches (on six targets) for 66 yards and a touchdown. Jarett Boykin was solid as well, also converting on all six of his targets while accumulating 83 yards. Jordy Nelson and James Jones were pretty solid, too, but they weren’t really any better than they should be.

15. I can’t wait to listen to the Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal podcast. Sadistically, it’s the best when Sal gives Cowboys collapses the Zapruder treatment and Bill suffered an irksome late Patriots loss today, too. I am going to cherish every second of that.

16. This could all seem really silly if the Lions win out, or if the Packers don’t, but I feel these feelings and today was why we bother to put ourselves through the silly ups and downs of watching silly sports.

17. Go.

18. Pack.

19. GO!

***

If you follow hundreds of people on Twitter, Ryan Glasspiegel should be one of them.

 


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