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At the ESPYs, Bill Simmons Saw Rob Gronkowski Sprint Down an Up Escalator, Heard Gronk Crossed Swords With Brothers and a Stranger

Bill Simmons had his buddy Jack-O on his BS Report podcast today. As usual they discussed the relative situations of the Yankees and Red Sox before veering off into other topics. The conversation eventually drifted toward Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski; around the 28-minute mark, Simmons shares three funny anecdotes about Gronk from the ESPY awards last week.

1. Leaving the after party, walking through the hotel where the first after-party was and there was an [escalator] that people were going down. And there was probably like–you know, people were walking kind of slow because there’s only one at a time on the [escalator] so it’s kind of clogged a little bit–and then there was an [escalator] going up that nobody was on. Gronkowski sprints down, past all the people that are going down the [escalator] and sprints down the ‘up’ [escalator]. Then, he gets to the bottom, raises his hands, and goes, “YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” I actually witnessed [this].


2. [Gronk] is in the elevator–and there’s probably 10 people in the elevator including one of my friends–he says to the doorman–it’s this party that’s gonna be on the roof of some place in LA–like, it’s outdoors. He says to the elevator person, “At this party, can we party with our shirts off?” And the guy’s like, “Uhhh…yeah…I think so.” Gronkowski turns to his buddy and goes, “YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” and high fives him.

3. This was also witnessed by a friend of mine. Gronkowski’s in line for the bathroom. There’s a line. There’s two urinals and a stall, or whatever, and they’re all waiting. Gronkowski’s with his two brothers–who just looked awesome. He goes into the stall and then turns over to one of his brothers and says, “Crossies?” The second brother goes in. The third brother goes in. And then there’s some guy who’s waiting–some smaller guy–and they’re like, “Let’s get him, too.” They grab this guy and they bring him in and they all pee in the bathroom together.

He is the greatest. I really think he should be a reality show.

Jack-O: If the three Gronkowski brothers cross streams in the urinal, is that like in Ghostbusters like when the streams cross nuclear war happens or something?

Since he was filmed drunkenly dancing just hours after the Super Bowl, Gronkowski has had quite the offseason. He’s been posted about 23 times by Deadspin–and this has to be the six-month record for somebody who did nothing illegal by a substantial margin–with titles including “Rob Gronkowski’s Offseason Is Becoming One Giant Swig From A Beer Bong,” “Rob Gronkowski Attends Charity Event, Removes Shirt, (Maybe) Pours Drink On Woman,” and ”Did A 16-Year-Old Mass. Lass Hook Up With Rob Gronkowski One Steamy Night In Aruba?

Shockingly, the Patriots organization is less than pleased. Via Shalise Manza Young in the Boston Globe:

Last week in this space we gave deserved kudos to the Gronkowski family for donating equipment, money, and time for a workout area at a Buffalo area facility for young people dealing with addiction. This week, we’re going to talk about Rob Gronkowski again, though perhaps in not so positive a way.

After posing nude for ESPN The Magazine’s “Body Issue” and partying at events for the issue and the ESPYs (Gronkowski was up for two awards but was shut out), and co-hosting “Access Hollywood Live” in recent days — things that seem un-Patriot-like — don’t be surprised if he lays low for the next couple of weeks.

Via a league source, Gronkowski has been told by the team that his summer of Gronk, so to speak, is over.

Ok guys, Gronkowski’s been “told” that it’s over. Glad to have this all behind us.

Oh, it might not be that easy?

One would have to imagine the Patriots have already told Gronkowski once or twice to tone down his behavior but it’s really something they just have to accept and tolerate because of his immense talent. If you created a tight end’s body in a lab it would not surpass Gronk’s and the same fearless, animalistic instincts that drive his football production make him hard to tame. Also, New England already paid him. Did they really think he’d cut back his outrageous behavior after receiving an $8 million signing bonus?

The Patriots may not even want to mess with Gronk’s temperament–it’s not as if his passion is a light switch that can be flicked on and off. If he forces himself to hold back off the field, it might hurt his production.

Simmons is right, though, Gronk is the best. In a league where almost everybody is boring and speaks in platitudes, Gronk is fascinating. He’s a drunken frat boy but it’s not like he’s gotten a DUI, been charged with aggravated assault with a firearm, or suspected of domestic violence. (I could link to lots more NFL arrests from this offseason but you get the point.) This is to say that thus far there have been no victims of his antics. In my book, this means that if he continues to perform at an elite level, he’s not doing anything wrong.


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